Birthdays are joyful occasions! They mark dates in which special people came into this world. The best people that one can be associated with are the ones who appreciate funny things in life. Being able to laugh about situations, even the fact that one is getting older, is a good thing! It is the sign of someone who knows how to handle different occurrences and has a great sense of humor! Of course, teasing should always be handled with care, because you wouldn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, let alone on their birthday…
To celebrate the special people you associate with who know not to take life too seriously, one must send them messages that are funny. Located here are messages you can send to friends, women, and men that are humorous and commemorate their special days in the light-hearted ways that suit their personalities.
Table of Contents
- Funny Birthday Messages for Friends
- Funny Birthday Messages for Women
- Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for Men
- You Know You’re Old when…
- Short Funny Birthday Texts to Share
- Hilarious Birthday Messages for all
Funny Birthday Messages for Friends
- When I looked at the date, I realized that it was your birthday, friend! When I thought about the year in which you were born, I almost fainted! You don’t look a day over a hundred!
- Today, my friend, you have made me grateful for something…that I’m not the oldest person here!
- Friend, on this day of the year, many, many years ago, you were born! I guess that’s something!
- Happy Birthday to someone who is getting more valuable and better with age! Oh wait–that’s wine. Happy Birthday to someone who is just getting old!
- Friend, I hope that a million birthday wishes come true for you! It will match your age!
- If I tried to count up to your age today, I would go hoarse! Happy Birthday, buddy!
- Happy Birthday, friend! You were educated in the old ways! The pyramids wouldn’t have been built without you!
- Happy Birthday to a friend who is unforgettable! Mainly because you are the grayest one here!
- Before there were maps, people used the stars to guide them. You would know!
- Today friend, you should be glad! You can paint on canvas and not in a cave!
- On this date friend, you might ache a little more. That is because you are old!
- Remembering you today, friend, is easy! The sheer number of your years is astounding!
- Friend, don’t mind me, but ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same: calling you young would be a mistake! A HUGE mistake!
- Cheers to a friend who can tell me when bread was only five cents!
- As your friend, I am here to remind you of significant things! Like ‘always save money for retirement’!
- Friend, some people are obsessed with age! Like me! I can’t believe how old you are!
- Today, friend, count your blessings, not your years. You don’t have that kind of time!
- Friend, you really exemplify a phrase, for me! Long in the tooth, comes to mind!
- Now is the time to tell you what you truly are, friend! An old geezer!
- Happy Birthday, friend! Age is not a big deal… to me! I’m still young!
- Happy Birthday, friend! You are as old as you are dear to me!
- Dear friend, I know you know who I am, but I hope you get tons of wishes from all those other vain people on social media who call themselves your ‘friends’, too.
- I was going to send your gift in the mail, but the mail service said I weighed too much, so here I am.
- Hey bestie, I know you are sad about your age this year, but no worries- I’m here to blow out your candles for you so you can feel like a real kid again!
- We have stuck by each other through thick and thin. We’ve been there for each other all these years and we’re still two girls who are better together than apart. That says something, don’t you think? Stay fabulous, babe.
- Wait, you are how old? Oh jeez, that’s almost dead in doggy years. I’m so glad we met when we’re kids. Happy birthday, bestie.
Funny Birthday Messages for Women
- May your hair dye and mascara never run! Happy Birthday, old lady!
- Cheers to a woman who has been thirty… fifty times!
- Happy Birthday to an ancient woman! Someday, you will tell me what it was like to build Stonehenge!
- When you were born, the sun shone… for the very first time!
- Happy Birthday to the woman who has it all! One hundred years of accumulation would result in that!
- I love you, girl, and I’m wishing you the best today. However, if you ever blackmail me for any reason, remember I still have those graduation photos of you.
- Happy Birthday to a friend that has no secrets from me but always fills in her ‘birth date’ field alone.
- Looking at you fills me with hope! A woman can live to be a hundred!
- Mirror, mirror, on the wall, pay attention to the question and watch out what you are going to say about this glorious woman’s birthday!
- Girl, you look amazingly young for your age, but remember we went to school together. Best wishes!
- Cheers to a woman who has dyed her hair so many times, she doesn’t remember what its original color is!
- Here is to all the years that you have been alive, and the cake budget we cut down, just because candles cost a lot! Happy Birthday, woman!
- There is something that makes you stand out, woman! I know what it is: your age!
- Today, girl, there are things to marvel at! Like the length of time that you have been here!
- You are a woman whose very presence makes others happy! Thanks for reminding us that we’re not as old as you!
- Happy Birthday, woman! Sometimes, I feel like you have been around, forever! (That’s because you have!)
- Looking at you, woman, reminds me of a simpler time. Like, before there was electricity!
- Cheers to a woman who stays young! (Only because she lies about her age) Best wishes!
Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for Men
- Cheers to an old man who still thinks he is young! Call it “experience” and enjoy your birthday, anyway!
- Here is to another year of a receding hairline and holding in that gut!
- Since the dawn of time, you have been here! Today, is no different!
- Your beard may be gray, your wrinkles may be deep, but hey, at least there is cake!
- A man like you deserves to have fond memories of his childhood, recalled to him. Unfortunately, there are no more dinosaurs!
- Happy Birthday to a man who has witnessed great things! Invention of the wheel, the first cave drawing…
- Today, you have officially gotten past things! Like youth and hair that isn’t gray! Happy Birthday, man!
- Today, reflect on the fact that you have been here from the beginning! I mean, the very beginning! Happy Birthday, man!
- On this day, some people will tell you that you are still a young man. Those people are liars!
- Man, you are like a tree in the woods! Old and still managing to stay grounded!
- Today is a day to ask important questions! Like, ‘who is your dentist’ and ‘do you get your beard dyed’?
- Cheers to a man who thinks he is still thinks he is young, but isn’t! You have really embraced delusion!
- As your birthday approaches, you might dread becoming an old man. Don’t worry about that! You already are!
- Today, you have really achieved something! How does it feel to be the oldest man alive?
- If someone doesn’t acknowledge your age, then that person is not really looking at you! Happy Birthday, man!
- Someday, you will tell me how you survived the dinosaurs! Happy Birthday, man!
Q&A Birthday Jokes
Q: Do you by any chance know what constantly goes up, but never ever comes down?
A: Your ever-growing age!
Q: What does the average cat love to eat at her birthday party?
A: Mice cream.
Q: What do Jesus Christ and Abraham Lincoln both have in common?
A: They were both born on public holidays.
Q: What do people who have the most birthdays have in common?
A: Old age.
Q: Why did couples have problems with each other before the 2000s?
A: Because Facebook reminder didn’t exist at that time to remind them of their partners’ birthdays.
Q: What do chickens love to eat at their birthday parties?
Q: Where can you find the best birthday present for your cat?
A: Inside a cat-alogue!
Q: What type of cake was served at the birthday party of Penny from the Big Bang Theory?
A: Cheese cake.
Q: What gift do you always receive on your birthday?
A: A brand new age.
You Know You’re Old when…
- You know you’re old when… the numerous candles on your birthday cake not only become more expensive than your cake itself, but also negatively impact the environment.
- You know you’re old when… kids feel safe to tell you their secrets because they know you will end up forgetting them.
- You know you’re old when… a teenager refers to you as a middle-aged man/woman.
- You know you’re old when… your mates start having children on purpose and not accidentally.
- You know you’re old when… people assume the first pet you ever owned was a dinosaur.
- You know you’re old when… your favorite songs are now elevator music.
- You know you’re old when… you see a smoking hot girl in bikini and the first thought that crosses your mind is, “I hope she’s wearing sun block”.
- You know you’re old when… all your favorite sportsmen and women have retired.
- You know you’re old when… it takes forever to scroll down to choose your year of birth on a website.
- You know you’re old when… the candles on your cake create a bonfire.
- You know you’re old when… your mates start running for president and other public offices.
- You know you’re old when… the once adorable Karate Kid is now an old man.
- You know you’re old when… you start feeling sleepy at the same time you used to go out at night to have fun.
- You know you’re old when… your fridge consists of more food than beer.
- You know you’re old when… teenagers start mistaking you for the legendary Keith Richards.
- You know you’re old when… that adorable kid you used to baby sit is no longer a kid.
- You know you’re old when… a Donna Summer song brings back a lot of memories.
- You know you’re old when… prefer eating in than eating out.
- You know you’re old when… you fall down and die when someone tells you to act your age.
- You know you’re old when… you feel there’s nothing left in life to learn.
- You know you’re old when… in your childhood, Blackberry and Apple were nothing more than fruits.
- You know you’re old when… you start worrying about how you’ll pay your mortgage.
- You know you’re old when… acne problems are a thing of the past.
- You know you’re old when… birthdays remind you something to be forgotten.
- You know you’re old when… you lie about your age or are tempted to do so.
- You know you’re old when… your patronage of condoms begins to drastically decline.
- You know you’re old when… you start finding teenagers’ birthday parties annoying and repulsive.
- You know you’re old when… your loved ones keep telling you how young you look.
- You know you’re old when… hostage takers are not interested in taking you hostage.
- You know you’re old when… your friends pay firefighters to be on standby for your birthday bash because they are afraid your birthday candles might cause a disaster.
- You know you’re old when… you search everywhere for your reading glasses when it is on your head.
- You know you’re old when… if you have ever attended a Beatles concert.
- You know you’re old when… marketers start targeting you with anti-aging wrinkle creams.
- You know you’re old when… you can date someone half your age without breaking any man-made laws.
- You know you’re old when… your neighbors don’t even know it when you organize a party.
- You know you’re old when… your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them or have died.
- You know you’re old when… you finally know where your prostate is located.
- You know you’re old when… you once used telegraphs to send messages to your loved ones in faraway places.
- Many happy returns! I believe you are officially able to be appraised on Antique Roadshow!
- Happy Birthday to you. I hope you enjoy your day as much as I’ll enjoy eating free cake and ice cream.
- Your birthday only comes once a year but the wrinkles it brings will last a lifetime.
- If you were a dog…you’d be 7 times older than you are now! Think about it. Happy Birthday, Old Yeller!
- Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Facebook told me it was your birthday and that I should write on your wall.
- Happy Birthday from one of the most spectacular, sensational, wisest people you know. You are one-in-a-million.
- My best wishes! I hope your husband treats you to a night out on the town–so you can enjoy having the house to yourself!
- If you were a grape, I would stomp on you and make you into a delicious vintage wine. Happy Birthday, Friend!
- The best part of birthday is the birthday cake. Wishing you the best. Where’s the cake?
- Happy Birthday to a friend who I wouldn’t trade for all the Nutella in the world.
- I couldn’t fit Channing Tatum in the box but I hope this gift will do. Happy Birthday to the future Mrs. Channing Tatum.
- So I was watching Jurassic Park and I remembered it was your birthday. Happy Birthday, you old dinosaur!
- Of all the people celebrating their birthday today, you are the least likely to be called “young” by a door-to-door salesman. Enjoy your day!
- Happy Birthday to someone I am proud to say will ALWAYS be older than me. I love having you as my friend, even if it is only to make myself feel better about my age.
- I know you’re not thirty, flirty, and thriving but hey you’re still driving! You’re not in too bad of shape.
- I’ll tell you a secret. I do believe it’s somebody’s birthday and just in case that person is you, Happy Birthday.
- Happy Birthday to someone who remembers how to do the ‘Macarena’.
- Happy Birthday to someone good looking, super smart, charismatic, and charming. Wait…I meant FROM someone.
- Best wishes. You’re not THAT old. You’re just getting up there. In the words of Elsa, “Let it go! Let it go!”
- Your 21st Birthday party was SO successful you decided to celebrate it for more than 20 years in a row!
- I was thinking about it and I think if someone was to make a movie about your life, Linda Blair would be perfect to play you.
- You know that old sang the older you are the wiser you are? I used to think it was true but then I met you! Just kidding, friend. Happy Birthday to you.
Hilarious Birthday Messages for all
- That’s your birthday cake?! I thought we were having a bonfire in the middle of your dining room. Happy Birthday… should I call and cancel the fire department then?
- Stop crying. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion where we fill up on divine birthday cake and drink good cheer. Celebrate in merriment the day of your birth into this lustrous world. Forget the wrinkles, sore joints, forgetfulness, and gray hair. Happiest of Happy Birthday to you, dear friend!
- If someone asks if you’re a God, you say ‘YES!’ . If you don’t Mr. Stay Puft will wreck havoc on our town. That was life lesson #1, right? Happy Birthday to a friend who is fluent in movie quotes just like me.
- Just to let you know that getting older doesn’t necessarily mean you have to grow up. You can always be a ‘Toys R’ Us’ kid who wears scrunchy socks, jelly shoes, and drives a Big Wheel.
- I was at the antique store downtown and I ran across one of the toys from your childhood that you always talk about. Happy Birthday and Congratulations to someone who is old enough to have their childhood toys listed in the latest edition of the Kovel’s Antique Guide! Well done!
- When you get to be your age you really should just throw caution to the wind and go “Why the hell not?!”. You are only young once! Go skydiving! Go skinny dipping in Tahiti! Go for a leisurely stroll up Mt. Everest.
- I was watching Grumpier Old Men and I remembered it was your birthday. I hope we get put in the same room at our future nursing home. We would make some kick butt BINGO partners! We would clean up!
- I have a particular set of skills. Skills that I have learned over a lengthy friendship with you. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give me a piece of cake, I will leave. If you don’t, I will find your cake and I will blow out your candles.
- Happy Birthday, my friend! I’m looking forward to getting together with you tonight to go over all of your Facebook birthday wishes from people that don’t give a rats behind about you the rest of the year.
- Happy Birthday to someone who knows everything there is about me and STILL enjoys being my friend. I hope we have many more years of wild and crazy adventures together.
- Did you know Chuck Norris was born on your birthday? Just kidding. That would be pretty kick butt though, wouldn’t it? Your birthday is still on a pretty good day.
- Wishing you the best! I would say you don’t look another year older, but if I tell one lie now, it might make anything else I say later on unbelievable. You look pretty good for your age!
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