Partnerships aren’t cut and dry with a consistent romantic connection on both sides at all times. To achieve this, each person needs to maintain that commitment, put in the effort and genuine hard work, and give the union sufficient time.
Signs you’re not in love anymore, or that romantic connection is waning are when you no longer have a desire to nurture the relationship or find yourself paying less attention than the union craves.
It’s unfortunate (and hurts a mate), but you can fall out of love. The trauma for a partner will be devastating, but ideally, life will move on once they go through the stages of grief following the break-up.
Ideally, you will try to recognize the signs that you’re not in love anymore early to present the situation to your partner in as straightforward a way as possible, albeit compassionately.
10 signs that you’re not in love anymore
In all honesty, mates can love each other and fall out of love with their partner often while in a long-term commitment. Everyone experiences ups and downs. Merely loving a person is not enough to sustain the couplehood.
Nurturing the partnership involves so many other “ingredients,” including communication, time, energy, undivided attention, and maintaining that sense of commitment. Once these things begin to fall away, it’s a sign that you’re not in love anymore.
While that can happen periodically during a partnership, one person can reach their end at some point. Let’s look at some signs this might be happening for you.
1. Lack of communication with no desire to try
When you feel no desire to discuss anything, or you’ve pretty much stopped having conversations with your mate, it’s apparent there are no more feelings.
Confirming you’re no longer in love would be having little interest when your significant other makes attempts to talk with you and you, in turn, block them out as they’re expressing how they feel. While you may have the respect to respond to direct questions, there’s little else offered.
The foundation for a healthy union is communication. If you lack this component and have no wish to repair this aspect of the partnership, it’s a clear sign you’re not in love anymore.
2. Avoidance or excuses combined with dread
You begin to wonder, “am I not in love anymore” when excitement to spend time with your mate turns to dread. There used to be anticipation, initiation of plans, anxious conversations, calls to hang out merely, and an interest in what they were up to each day. Now there’s avoidance and excuses for why you can’t hang out.
In all likelihood, you’ll realize that you’re beginning to make other things a priority over your partner. Ignoring texts or silencing phone calls are also signs you’re not in love, and send that clear message to your mate.
Related Reading: The Challenge of Conflict Avoidance in Relationships
3. Becoming a complainer or being critical is something new
It can seem as though everything your partner does at this point irritates you. The mate can do nothing right. You find that you’re complaining all the time, which is something new for you but has been happening for some time.
Generally, you’re a laid-back, accessible person. Instead of continuing to be hard on your significant other, it’s essential to take a step back and look at yourself to determine “why am I not in love” because that’s basically what this behavior should be saying to you.
It’s your way of validating your feelings. Your mate might genuinely not be doing anything wrong. You’re merely looking for things to find fault with so you can confirm for yourself why everything you once found endearing is now a source of annoyance.
Related Reading: How to Deal With Your Partner’s Annoying Habits
4. Did you ever really love this person?
Infatuation is not genuinely love but has the potential for enduring a long-term, making people mistake it for love. The problem is that emotion is not sustainable in the same way that genuine love can be.
If you imply similar interests, goals, lifestyles values to develop the relationship, the charade doesn’t have the possibility of growing into something stable, meaning the feelings will ultimately fade.
You might have been in love with the notion of loving that person rather than indeed ever falling in love with the mate. That will be difficult for your partner to hear and needs handling delicately.
5. When you feel there’s a need for a break
Generally, when one person finds a need for a break away from the other person to have some “space” or to gain some time to “think about things,” one of those questions you’ll likely be considering is how to know if you’re not in love anymore.
Ultimately, taking this time apart is merely your way of gradually breaking away from the other person without officially calling it a break-up. Once there’s “space,” you’ll invariably find reasons why you can’t see the other person again, leading to the end.
6. Making a ton of new friends
If you’re finding fulfillment with a new social circle outside of the relationship, that can signify that you’re not in love anymore. When your mate is not providing the entertainment you desire.
Instead, you’re finding fun and excitement with other people. That’s a definitive red flag that there are problems in the relationship.
You can undoubtedly have friends apart from your mate, but when you don’t find stimulation from a partner, instead looking for that attention, that “click,” or emotional validation elsewhere, you’ll know if you’re not in love anymore.
Related Reading: The Importance of Friends After Marriage
7. Intimacy is virtually nonexistent
If you find that you’re no longer attracted to your mate, with intimacy at every level being the last thing on your mind, you’re indicating you’re not into your partner anymore.
When you no longer touch your mate, whether it be a simple hug, a hand on their back, find sex to be a dreaded chore, or flinch when your mate reaches to touch you, these are signs you’re not in love anymore.
8. Independence has become an important concept again
You might be noticing that you’re becoming more independent again. Where you were incorporating your partner more into the various aspects of your daily life, now you’re beginning the elimination process to show yourself that you don’t need another person to handle life.
When you’re in love, a mate’s guidance and advice are valuable. Even if you know you can handle whatever is thrown at you, support is essential and appreciated. Now those things are viewed as interference.
9. Discussing the future is no longer a topic
When you’re not in love anymore, plans for the future are no longer relevant. Discussions that lead towards the subject make you disengage from the conversation.
In times past, you would perk up when your partner wanted to talk about the possibility of perhaps living together or a more profound commitment. Now, this lends itself to feelings of stress and pressure.
10. You recognize the signs you’re not in love anymore
Your instincts might just be telling you that you’re not in love anymore. It’s essential to pay attention to your intuition. Before having the conversation with your mate, put considerable thought into whether there’s any possibility for working things through or perhaps there’s a future with them.
When you can honestly admit to yourself that you no longer love the individual, listen to the voice. Avoid the notion of overthinking the issues and communicate your feelings.
While it will be difficult, your mate will find a way to cope with their emotions and ultimately move forward.
How to break it to a mate you no longer love them
It can be devastating to be in a relationship with a partner who does not genuinely love you, but you either no longer have those feelings or perhaps never did.
Breaking a heart is not something anyone sets out to do. Ideally, you will have given the partnership sufficient time to ensure you’re not hasty about your feelings.
Something attracted you to this person, so you need to take considerable time to revisit, albeit not overthink, before having the conversation.
Once you’ve gone over all the signs you’re not in love anymore, finding validation. After all, it’s essential to be straightforward, so no false hope is taken from the communication.
It isn’t the time for sugar coating or white lies to protect or send mixed messages.
If it is the case, it would be respectful to allow your ex-mate that you care for them but do not share romantic love in the way they would like you to. Kindness is appropriate, and honesty is vital.
Concentrate on the present, make no indications regarding the future. The ex-mate will likely need support and undoubtedly has friends and family available for those needs.
You need not withdraw too harshly and take caution in offering a great deal of support with the status change in the partnership.
If you are looking for more guidance on the matter, watch this video.
Each of you will ultimately realize you both deserve to find the romantic love you long for with a partner with whom you share these feelings. It’s okay if this is not the one.